Laughing Without an Accent by Firoozeh Dumas

Author:Firoozeh Dumas
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2008-04-29T04:00:00+00:00

Past the Remote

Sometime after the birth of our second child, I decided to get rid of our TV. I kept this thought to myself, knowing it would not be embraced by anyone else in my household. Finally, one day, during a commercial break, I shared my idea with the Frenchman, who didn’t like it. “Think about it,” I told him, “we can actually have conversations that last longer than three commercials, raise kids who will be responsible for their own entertainment, and do whatever else humans did before twenty-four-hour TV.”

He didn’t say anything but I knew what he was thinking. “X-Files is just a show,” I added. “Your life will be just as rich without it. And if it’s not, then we have bigger problems than we realize.”

My husband and I had both been raised without TV as a major influence, until we came to America. In Abadan, our home had access to one Iranian station and one from Kuwait, not as many choices as those sophisticated city folks living in Tehran, who actually had two Iranian stations and one American station. In Abadan, we could choose from about seven hours of daily programming, starting from around 4:00 PM until 11:00 PM. We could watch the news, Persian movies from popular artists such as Parviz Sayyad, or American shows such as Ironside, Bonanza, Bewitched, Flipper, Star Trek, Lost in Space, or I Dream of Jeannie, all dubbed in Persian. One of the most popular shows was The Fugitive, which my brothers watched every week, hoping each week that the one-armed man would be caught.

If someone turned on the TV before four o’clock in the afternoon, there was static. After eleven, more static. People were forced to have a life, or at least get some sleep.

I used to watch thirty minutes of American cartoons per week, and I enjoyed it more than any kid I know today who has access to nonstop cartoons. Whoever said less is more had lived in Abadan.

François had been raised in Paris in a family devoted to the daily news. Because of homework and a strict bedtime, he was usually able to watch only the first thirty minutes of most movies on TV. During the first few years of our marriage, he rented a lot of movies and was particularly thrilled to watch beyond the first half hour, all the way to the end.

After much cajoling, my husband agreed to a two-step detox program. Step one involved putting the TV in the garage for one month. François wanted to shorten this step to one week, but I held firm. “Don’t fool yourself,” I told him. “It will take at least a month for Mulder and Xena to leave your bloodstream.”

Step two entailed getting rid of the TV permanently, but only if step one was a total success.

We hauled the TV, VCR, the various remote controls, and the TV cabinet to the garage. Suddenly, our living room looked much bigger, but the air seemed heavier, like the last day of a long vacation.

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